I haven't been feeling too well these days. What with my throat hurting, having phlegm and sneezing often, the mood swings, I feel horrible. 

Not just physically horrible, but I feel horrible emotionally too. My chest feels like it's constricted. I can't feel anything anymore, it seems so hard to breath. It's almost like I feel sad but the sadness is just... there, unable to find it's way out. I can't cry, I can't express it, I just don't know how I should describe it. 

Amidst all of these, I wonder. I wonder if you really card. If you really bothered. Or if you were just curious. I don't know. I know it's mean to say this but, what was your motive/agenda? Did you really want to be friends? Or did you get close to me for all those stuff you put me through? I don't get it. And after all those things, you made me remember things I didn't want to. Things that hurts. 

Like how I have drifted apart from my secondary school clique. How while I fought my own battles later after i drifted away from them, they still hung out with each other. They helped each other through everything, they had each other. They grew up together, while I grow up alone, more withdrawn than ever. 

And the few other friends who ain't with me anymore. I don't know why. I simply don't get it. Am I so not worth them keeping? So not worth them fighting for? What am I exactly fighting for? Struggling for? Trying so hard for? Why?

"I know that I am losing you and I hate that there is nothing I can do"

I haven't been feeling too well these days. What with my throat hurting, having phlegm and sneezing often, the mood swings, I feel horrible. 

Not just physically horrible, but I feel horrible emotionally too. My chest feels like it's constricted. I can't feel anything anymore, it seems so hard to breath. It's almost like I feel sad but the sadness is just... there, unable to find it's way out. I can't cry, I can't express it, I just don't know how I should describe it. 

Amidst all of these, I wonder. I wonder if you really card. If you really bothered. Or if you were just curious. I don't know. I know it's mean to say this but, what was your motive/agenda? Did you really want to be friends? Or did you get close to me for all those stuff you put me through? I don't get it. And after all those things, you made me remember things I didn't want to. Things that hurts. 

Like how I have drifted apart from my secondary school clique. How while I fought my own battles later after i drifted away from them, they still hung out with each other. They helped each other through everything, they had each other. They grew up together, while I grow up alone, more withdrawn than ever. 

And the few other friends who ain't with me anymore. I don't know why. I simply don't get it. Am I so not worth them keeping? So not worth them fighting for? What am I exactly fighting for? Struggling for? Trying so hard for? Why?

"I know that I am losing you and I hate that there is nothing I can do"