I don't know anymore.
I try so hard, I push myself for things I love to do, and yet I feel I can never outrun it all. I can't get over how shitty my childhood was, I hate how there never seems to be peace at home, I hate how vulnerable I am no matter what people see me as: that strong cheerful girl.
So many times I wished people see how broken up I am, how much support I need emotionally. And yet, I chose to keep all of it inside me, to smile and laugh, because I always thought everyone have their own issues and problems and I never wanted to be a burden. Every single time I thought life is getting better, shit happens. And I hate it.
So sick of life.
Incomprehensible
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
I don't know.
Is it me? Is it really just me? Am I really the one who's trying too hard?
I don't get it. Don't people try hard for those whom they care for? Why is it that people are telling me to stop trying, to just give it up? Am I not worth them fighting and trying for like how I am putting in so much effort for them?
I chose to believe in you. Why are you doing this?
Love U U
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
I like hanging out with you, but I hate how you are leaving.
I feel comfortable with you, but I feel uncomfortable at your place.
I enjoy your company, but I couldn't hide my emotions from you.
I am fond of you, but I can't allow myself to love you.
“喜欢一个人是以自己的喜怒哀乐为中心, 而爱一个人是以对方的喜怒哀乐为中心。”
Trapped
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
AND SO....
I haven't been feeling too well these days. What with my throat hurting, having phlegm and sneezing often, the mood swings, I feel horrible.
Not just physically horrible, but I feel horrible emotionally too. My chest feels like it's constricted. I can't feel anything anymore, it seems so hard to breath. It's almost like I feel sad but the sadness is just... there, unable to find it's way out. I can't cry, I can't express it, I just don't know how I should describe it.
Amidst all of these, I wonder. I wonder if you really card. If you really bothered. Or if you were just curious. I don't know. I know it's mean to say this but, what was your motive/agenda? Did you really want to be friends? Or did you get close to me for all those stuff you put me through? I don't get it. And after all those things, you made me remember things I didn't want to. Things that hurts.
Like how I have drifted apart from my secondary school clique. How while I fought my own battles later after i drifted away from them, they still hung out with each other. They helped each other through everything, they had each other. They grew up together, while I grow up alone, more withdrawn than ever.
And the few other friends who ain't with me anymore. I don't know why. I simply don't get it. Am I so not worth them keeping? So not worth them fighting for? What am I exactly fighting for? Struggling for? Trying so hard for? Why?
"I know that I am losing you and I hate that there is nothing I can do"
The Uncertainty
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Sometimes, I just ain't sure.
I mean, why would people do that? I thought I knew you. I never thought you'd do that. There's always that question that would stay with me. Why? Why would someone do that? I wasn't given a choice. I wouldn't mind, but you never gave me a choice. You didn't let me decide for myself if I would want that. And that's what pissed me off.
I feel betrayed.
"It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair."
The day before
Sunday, June 7, 2015
And so it have come. The day before my Grade 1 exam. And I am not confident that I can do that great. I'm not sure if I can get the distinction I want.
And at this point of time, I was reminded of you. Not sure why, even though it's been more than 5 months now.
♪1 Days to Grade 1 Exam♫
Frustuation
Monday, May 25, 2015
It's hectic (sort of) recently, especially emotionally for me.
I'm not paticularly sure what the source of stress is. Maybe it's work because I am supposed to manage some migration stuff, and top it off with some other stuff starting in June. Or maybe it's because of the Guitar Grade 1 exam I am taking in 2 weeks time. Or maybe it's the fact that my mom wants me to get to university and I really have no idea what to do and which course to go in to.
I'm feeling so stressed out now. And not to forget the fact that I promised this nun i would teach her English. I mean, how could I reject? Plus it's a good chance for me to learn while teaching her as well. I really feel stretched right now...
Broken
Sunday, October 25, 2015
I don't know anymore.
I try so hard, I push myself for things I love to do, and yet I feel I can never outrun it all. I can't get over how shitty my childhood was, I hate how there never seems to be peace at home, I hate how vulnerable I am no matter what people see me as: that strong cheerful girl.
So many times I wished people see how broken up I am, how much support I need emotionally. And yet, I chose to keep all of it inside me, to smile and laugh, because I always thought everyone have their own issues and problems and I never wanted to be a burden. Every single time I thought life is getting better, shit happens. And I hate it.
So sick of life.
Incomprehensible
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
I don't know.
Is it me? Is it really just me? Am I really the one who's trying too hard?
I don't get it. Don't people try hard for those whom they care for? Why is it that people are telling me to stop trying, to just give it up? Am I not worth them fighting and trying for like how I am putting in so much effort for them?
I chose to believe in you. Why are you doing this?
Love U U
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
I like hanging out with you, but I hate how you are leaving.
I feel comfortable with you, but I feel uncomfortable at your place.
I enjoy your company, but I couldn't hide my emotions from you.
I am fond of you, but I can't allow myself to love you.
“喜欢一个人是以自己的喜怒哀乐为中心, 而爱一个人是以对方的喜怒哀乐为中心。”
Trapped
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
AND SO....
I haven't been feeling too well these days. What with my throat hurting, having phlegm and sneezing often, the mood swings, I feel horrible.
Not just physically horrible, but I feel horrible emotionally too. My chest feels like it's constricted. I can't feel anything anymore, it seems so hard to breath. It's almost like I feel sad but the sadness is just... there, unable to find it's way out. I can't cry, I can't express it, I just don't know how I should describe it.
Amidst all of these, I wonder. I wonder if you really card. If you really bothered. Or if you were just curious. I don't know. I know it's mean to say this but, what was your motive/agenda? Did you really want to be friends? Or did you get close to me for all those stuff you put me through? I don't get it. And after all those things, you made me remember things I didn't want to. Things that hurts.
Like how I have drifted apart from my secondary school clique. How while I fought my own battles later after i drifted away from them, they still hung out with each other. They helped each other through everything, they had each other. They grew up together, while I grow up alone, more withdrawn than ever.
And the few other friends who ain't with me anymore. I don't know why. I simply don't get it. Am I so not worth them keeping? So not worth them fighting for? What am I exactly fighting for? Struggling for? Trying so hard for? Why?
"I know that I am losing you and I hate that there is nothing I can do"
The Uncertainty
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Sometimes, I just ain't sure.
I mean, why would people do that? I thought I knew you. I never thought you'd do that. There's always that question that would stay with me. Why? Why would someone do that? I wasn't given a choice. I wouldn't mind, but you never gave me a choice. You didn't let me decide for myself if I would want that. And that's what pissed me off.
I feel betrayed.
"It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair."
The day before
Sunday, June 7, 2015
And so it have come. The day before my Grade 1 exam. And I am not confident that I can do that great. I'm not sure if I can get the distinction I want.
And at this point of time, I was reminded of you. Not sure why, even though it's been more than 5 months now.
♪1 Days to Grade 1 Exam♫
Frustuation
Monday, May 25, 2015
It's hectic (sort of) recently, especially emotionally for me.
I'm not paticularly sure what the source of stress is. Maybe it's work because I am supposed to manage some migration stuff, and top it off with some other stuff starting in June. Or maybe it's because of the Guitar Grade 1 exam I am taking in 2 weeks time. Or maybe it's the fact that my mom wants me to get to university and I really have no idea what to do and which course to go in to.
I'm feeling so stressed out now. And not to forget the fact that I promised this nun i would teach her English. I mean, how could I reject? Plus it's a good chance for me to learn while teaching her as well. I really feel stretched right now...
so you wanna know more?
Activeness
Hyper in the day
Withdrawn into her own world by night
Choice of Company
Enjoys small company of 1 ~ 2 others at each time
Large groups of people messes up her emotional stability.
Social Skills
[Outside] Loud
[Outside] Occasional coarse language
[Inside] Caring and meticulous about others' well-being
Enjoyment:
Reading Novels
Listening to Music
Trying new Restaurants
Spending time with cats
affiliates
that Girl
Her Facebook
Her Instagram
Her LinkedIn
Lin Jun Jie
A Singaporean singer, songwriter, record producer and actor based in Taiwan.
Managed by Ocean Butterflies from 2003 to 2009, currently managed by Warner Music Taiwan. Born: March 27, 1981 (age 34), Singapore Height: 1.72
More info at Wikipedia His Facebook His Instagram His Twitter His Youtube
credits
This layout was designed by Tashiie. Theme is based on cyworld while the polka-dotted image is from lovelycore. You won't be able to find this image at cyworld 'cos I edited it. The image editing software used was Adobe Photoshop CS4.
so you wanna know more?
